Holding the space

When I first starting working with my life coach, I already loved her.

That—it turned out—was a good thing.

I’d worked with Suzy in the same organization for 10 years. As her colleague, I knew that she was brilliant, strong, and had impeccable integrity. After being laid off, Suzy became a life coach. (By the way, if you’ve ever found yourself “invited” to that meeting, Suzy’s the one to help you through it. Check her out!)

Then, during our first session, she introduced the concept of “emotional childhood.”

What the hell was she talking about? I wondered.

When it became clear that she was suggesting that I was living my life as an emotional child, I thought, Thank God this session is free.

I protested, in my analytical, somewhat haughty way. Suzy didn’t judge.

I offered further explanation about what had happened in my life. Suzy didn’t budge.

I stopped trying to hide the fact that my voice was cracking. Suzy didn’t react.

She kept reflecting back to me how my painful thoughts and feelings kept me from realizing my goals.

I was very uncomfortable. I wanted to tell Suzy a thing or two about empathy. About compassion. About life, dammit.

And yet . . . I could feel Suzy’s love for me.

Suzy held the space.

In hindsight, I realized that Suzy wasn’t the first person who’d tried to show me how I sometimes got in my own way. But she was the first person not to stand down.

Her unshakable honesty hurt. But it allowed me to begin the profoundly important work of taking responsibility for the results I create in my life.

This is what holding the space is about.

It’s not always easy, especially at first.

But it’s a game-changer.

Can you think of something you could do to get out of your own way? Please feel free to email me your reflections.

Would you like someone to hold the space for you? Book me for a free mini-session, and let’s explore the transformational work we can do together.