What do a gold pole, a dusty canvas, and pressed linen have in common? Keep listening!

Welcome to The Done Bingeing Podcast. This is the place to hear about how you can pair the emerging brain science about why you binge with powerful life coaching to help you stop. If you want to explore a non-clinical approach to end binge eating, you’re in the right place. It’s time to free yourself. You have more power than you know. And now, your host, Life and Weight-Loss Coach Martha Ayim.

Welcome to Episode 19 of The Done Bingeing Podcast.

Two episodes ago, in Episode 17, we talked about thinking deliberately. We focused on this because the thoughts we think create the emotions we feel, which inspire the actions we take. And our actions create the results we have in our lives.

As we fleshed out in Episode 18, deliberate thinking requires four steps: First, you need to find out what you’re currently thinking. Second, you need to evaluate whether those thoughts are serving you. Third, if your thoughts aren’t serving you, you need to choose new thoughts that will serve you. And, fourth, you need to practice your new thoughts.

The first three steps comprise a kind of mental hygiene, and we studied this in the last episode.

Now, in Episode 19, we’re ready to prepare for step four, and we’re moving from mental hygiene to mental rehearsal. In other words, we’re gearing up to practice the thoughts you need think to create the results you want to have.

But before we go any further, I want you to give more thought to where you want to go and what you want to create.

Now, you may think that I’m asking you a totally silly question. You want to leave binge eating, compulsive eating, emotional eating, or overeating of any form, in the dust, obviously, or you wouldn’t be listening to this podcast.

Gotcha.

But I want you to think bigger. Why? Because bingeing or overeating may have become an all-consuming drain on your life, a central focus, perhaps even an identity. When that’s gone, there may be a hole in its wake. For me, it was more like a crater. And what then? What will you do and who will you be?

A hole that remains after you stop bingeing may have contributed to why you started bingeing in the first place. Is it grief? Is it stress? Is it rage? Is it loneliness or restlessness? Is it exhaustion or boredom? Is it not knowing what to do with the attention your body gets when you lose weight? Is it the almost imperceptible looks from friends that make you wonder if they kinda like you heavier? Is it the job that you suspect might be taking your soul? Is it needing to live a little more but not knowing how?

Maybe you won’t have a hole. Maybe you’re already totally clear on what you’ll do with all the mental, physical, and emotional energy that will be spared when you stop bingeing.

If so, amazing.

But if not, start thinking about what will replace this focus in your life so that you don’t fill that hole with another pattern that keeps you spinning in a groove that you don’t want to be in. How can you fulfill that empty part of your life so that you don’t just plug it up with a different behavior or a different substance with its own net-negative result?

I don’t want you to drop brownies for brown bottles in brown paper bags.

I don’t want you to toss French fries for a Facebook scroll that never ends.

I don’t want you to trade Snickers bars for shopping bags that drag you back to a cycle of being stuffed and empty in a whole new way.

I don’t want you to do anything that makes you feel weak and powerless. I want you to do what renews you, what inspires you, what empowers you.

The idea of a hole being left after an unhealthy pattern has ended is something that psychology professor Jordan Peterson captures so well. He’s also is the inspiration behind my encouragement that you find a new focus that strengthens you now, as you’re ending you pattern of overeating.

What is that thing? It’s time to find out.

This journey isn’t just about the eating patterns you want to leave behind, it is also about the ones you want to cultivate.

This journey isn’t just about what you want to cut out of your life, it is also about how you want to fill it.

It isn’t just about what you want to stop, it is also about what you want to start.

It isn’t just about what you want to let go of, it is also about what you want to reach for.

What are your goals? What are your dreams?

What do you long to create? What do you want to achieve?

Who are you? And who are you meant to become?

What do you believe in? And what will you fight for?

What are you doing that’s working? What’s not working and what are you going to do about it?

Do you need to niche down to up-level your marketing?

Do you need to streamline your systems to explode your income?

Do you need to set a boundary with someone? Or do you need to take one down?

Do you have a friendship that needs tending? Or a garden that needs tilling?

What do you promise you’ll do when you stop bingeing or when you lose the weight?

What are the words you have not yet spoken?

Why does that song that you long to sign remain unsung?

Where is the canvas that lays waiting, parched and stark, for the cool moist stoke of your brush?

Why haven’t you signed up yet for that pole-dancing class that you are secretly just dying to try?

Why aren’t you at that candle-light dinner in the sweet awkwardness of a first date?

I want you to look beyond the end of your bingeing.

Try to allow yourself to believe that anything is possible. If you notice yourself holding back, let go. Sure, you can skip the stuff that is an obvious no-go. Like shape-shifting—let’s leave that for mythology for now. But I do want you to stretch the boundaries of what you’ve previously allowed yourself to imagine is possible for you.

Grab a paper and pen, and start writing. Get it all down.

Then, I want you to pick one main result that you want to create in your life. It can be big or it can be small. It just needs to mean something to you and to give you a place to start.

Why do you want to create this thing in your life? When do you want to create this by? Write it all down.

Now, you have a key goal, compelling reasons to create it, and a date of completion.

Now, I want you to brainstorm everything that you’d need to do to make this happen. Include all the steps, all the details. Don’t worry about putting anything in the right order yet. Just get onto paper what needs to happen.

Now, look at your list. Identify any obstacles you can anticipate facing when you try to accomplish something on your list.

For example, if you want to write a book, one of the things on your list may be to find an editor. But if you’ve never done that before, you may need to take some time to learn how to find a trained and skilled professional to review your work. Maybe a good starting place would be to see if there is a professional association of editors in your country. From there, the next step may be to see if your country certifies its editors. If it doesn’t, maybe the next step would be to find a certified editor in another country who can still work with you on your material.

Whatever it is that you need to learn or find out about, write it down and add it to your list. Don’t let yourself get stuck in the confusion of “I don’t know.” Take a guess. Be willing to be wrong when you’re guessing what next steps might be helpful. Think of at least one person or one resource where you could begin to look for answers.

Maybe one of your obstacles is a thought like, “I don’t deserve to make $100K.” Write that thought down. Then write down that you need to go back and re-listen to Episode 18 on mental hygiene and clean up your thinking.

Now that you have your list, number the items on your list in the order that you’ll do them. Then re-write or type your list in that order, starting with the first thing you’ll do.

Next, estimate the amount of time that each item will take to complete and note that time beside the item.

Double-check your timeframe. Does it still seem reasonable now that you’ve listed everything that needs to be done and estimated the time required for each task? If not, change your timeframe.

Next, add a due date to each item on your list.

Then, schedule each item in your calendar.

Even though understanding what needs to be done and how long each task will take are key pieces to be aware of, this might be a tedious process and you might not want to do it. Excellent! Why is that excellent? Because you’re practicing doing something even when it doesn’t feel fantastic. As my coach, Brooke Castillo, often says, discomfort is the currency to achieving your dreams.

Jordan Peterson often talks about the dissonance that is created when you set a goal. Why would there be a dissonance? Because you can clearly see the distance between where you are and where you want to be. The distance and dissonance are the reasons why many of us resist setting and committing to goals in the first place. We’d rather be in the foggy space of kindof not being totally exactly sure what we want to do. It’s more comfortable to drift in a soft, warm mist, than to stride in an open, crisp clarity.

It’s time to grab your coat or sweater or wrap. It’s getting chilly in here. The mist is lifting. Get ready to move.

You may want to clear your throat.

Why?

Because I have a feeling that you have something to say.

Say what you need to say.

Write what you need to write.

Dust off the canvas.

Sing the damn song.

Find that pole, and work it.

Make your way to the light of the candle, to the one who’s waiting. Sit down, nervous, perfectly imperfect, and introduce yourself. Come to the table with the pressed linen cloth just as you are. Why? Because you’re just fine just as you are.

And . . . you have a plan for where you’re going.

That’s it for Episode 19. Thank you for listening.

The Done Bingeing Podcast is helping so many people to reduce their bingeing and overeating, and to find out who they’re truly meant to be when they live their lives fully. Ratings and reviews will help more people find this podcast and get the help they need. So, if you’re getting something out of this podcast, I would be honored if you would leave me a rating and review. Just go to www.holdingthespace.co/itunes-review for easy-peasy instructions on how to get it done. Thank you so much!

Thanks for listening to The Done Bingeing Podcast. Martha is a certified life and weight loss coach who’s available to help you stop bingeing. Book a free session with her at www.holdingthespace.co/book. And stay tuned for next week’s episode on freeing yourself from binge eating and creating the life you want.